How The Gospel Became A Reality In My Life
This post is also featured on Columbia University's blog, The Witness.
For as long as I can remember, my mother believed in God. She brought my sisters and I with her to church every Sunday, sang hymns as she washed the dishes, prayed for me before all of my big exams, whispered “Thank you Jesus” in the car as we stopped at red lights, and credited Christ for all of her achievements. Being raised in her house, it was a requirement that my sisters and I attend church every Sunday and one I soon exceeded: I became a member of the praise dance team, sang in the choir, served as president of the youth group, and was given the roles of liturgist and acolyte in my church. But, I think that for every child raised in a Christian home, there comes a time when they must claim the faith for their own. For me, this was when I headed to college.
When I received my financial aid award from Barnard, to say I was disappointed would be an understatement. I found that I did not receive as much aid as I deserved or as much as my single-parent family needed; I was bitter and angry with God for not giving us what He knew we needed. I spent all of my freshman year loathing my time at school. I felt guilty that I was placing my mom under stress to make payments. And although I was an active member of Christian Union, a ministry group on campus, behind the scenes I was resentful towards God for allowing my family to be in that situation. Although my mom had faith that God would provide the money for tuition payments and other bills, I didn’t. I complained to my mom every week about how I was worried and how I wished she could use her money to treat herself to something nice for once instead of sacrificing for me. I hadn’t realized that my mom perceived each complaint as a sign of ingratitude and that it was doing her more harm than good. Nevertheless, she graciously responded with assurance, “Don’t worry Jade. God will provide.”
She said to me, “I don’t know how you call yourself a Christian yet have no faith.”
One day, my mother stopped me mid-rant. I had finally gotten on her nerves. She said to me, “I don’t know how you call yourself a Christian yet have no faith.” I didn’t fire back a rebuttal. She was right. Where was my faith? This question forced me to reconsider what I truly believed. It was easy to say I believed in Christ—that he existed, was crucified, buried, and rose again. But what I found more difficult was to believe Christ—that is, to believe in the power and truth of His words, to believe His promises, and to believe that He was all I needed to rely on. I spent the next few weeks ruminating over my mother’s words and my relationship with Christ—and whether or not I had one.
Later that year, Christian Union held a conference called Nexus, where Christian students from across the Ivy League joined together for a weekend of worship, prayer, seminars, small groups, and spoken word performances. A powerful feature of the conference was the 24-hour prayer room, where students from each school were encouraged to gather to pray together even in the middle of the night. Attending that prayer session changed my life. After a few minutes of praying as a group, my friend said he was moved to read a passage of scripture aloud: Luke 12. He read:
“Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
“Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.”
The words pierced my chest and I could not hold my tears back. I realized how sinful I had been to doubt God when all this time He had consistently been providing for me. I realized that God had not forsaken me, but that He placed my family in a situation that required us to put our trust wholly in Him. For the first time, I understood the meaning of the Gospel: that through Christ I had received the right to become a child of God and that because of this, God would never leave me without all that I needed. Over all things, He granted me victory over death and a new life in Him. That night, I decided I wanted to relinquish the power I thought I had over to God and truly allow Christ to be Lord over my life, my desires, and my concerns. I no longer saw Christianity as solely my mother’s conviction. I truly wanted to seek Christ first because I believed I could find satisfaction in the joys of His salvation and the blessings He has gifted me with.
That night, I decided I wanted to relinquish the power I thought I had over to God and truly allow Christ to be Lord over my life, my desires, and my concerns.
Since that night, the power of the Gospel has become a reality in my life. While there are still times I run into trouble, I am able to approach them with a new perspective. I recognize that God is in control of all situations, whether I perceive them to be good or bad, and He will not abandon me at any moment. Today, I am able to calm my soul by remembering that I cannot change my life by worrying; instead, I find comfort in knowing that there is one I serve who is greater than I am who is able to do more than I can imagine. Christ gave His own life to save me from my sins. I know I can stand confident in His grace and care.
“To some God and Jesus may appeal in a way other than to us: some may come to faith in God and to love, without a conscious attachment to Jesus. Both Nature and good men besides Jesus may lead us to God. They who seek God with all their hearts must, however, some day on their way, meet Jesus.”
