You Must Divorce, Before You Marry
THE PREACHER’S VOICE echoed off the stained glass and into the soil of my heart. He explained, “Time is the most crucial element in determining a marriage spouse, because only time reveals the nature of a person. Unless you know their nature, deal-breakers may arise months or years into the marriage leading to a divorce.” The preacher’s point is simple, unless you inspect and eat many fruits off of the tree, of the person you desire to marry, you will suddenly and regretfully conclude that the consequence of your choice bears a weight you cannot carry. What a tragedy to humanity and what a stench it is to the LORD that marriage covenants are broken! Divorce is a reminder of the lack of love and faithfulness of which our society has normalized.
The late and blessed Tim Keller writes in the Meaning of Marriage, “The covenant made between a husband and a wife is done before God and therefore with God as well as the spouse. To break faith with your spouse is to break faith with God at the same time.” Is this why Shakespeare warned, “For the sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds; lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.” Every choice will ripple and reflect our decisions, that is why it may take a lifetime to determine if a choice was a mistake or not. Yet, if we desire to increase in wisdom and find favor with God and man, we must never throw up our hands in frustration, but we must hungrily and desperately seek the remedy. (Time is not on our side and judgement waits for us when time runs out!) There are no impossible problems. Time, thought, and strength from the LORD will solve anything.
The sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds; lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.
John Owens supplies the answer, “Be killing sin or sin will be killing you.” In other words, since God will not grant us control over another human, we must use self-control to divorce self. Again, if divorce rates are to drop and if you desire to be a healthy and loving spouse then you must divorce yourself. In singleness, we subconsciously marry self. Very few of us learn the virtues of sacrifice, selflessness, or what the 1 Cor. 13 love is. In singleness self-absorption fills our hearts like heat does a hot air balloon. After a while, we swell not just with selfishness, but pride and other toxic vices. There is no time for others when we have already married and walked faithfully with our own pleasure, comfort, and progress. To marry a person while still consumed with I, then figuratively, you have committed adultery. In Christianity, we can only be married to one person. If you genuinely L-O-V-E the person you have married or the person you plan to marry, then the greatest act of love begins not with “I do,” but with a divorce from yourself. You want to know and become Philippians 2, “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.” Since God is a God of order, it is after this where will you experience the peace, joy, and blessedness of marriage because the loving and unifying spirit of God avoid places where the darkness of selfishness lurks.
“Married love is a complex mixture of both emotion and dutiful action— it is the latter that we have the most control over. It is the action of love that we can promise to maintain everyday.”
